Today was quite a day. My current ministry position gives me the joy of doing the two things I most deeply enjoy other than running and being with my family--teaching and meeting one-on-one with men. Thursdays provide an extra dose of pleasure since I usually teach a men's study at 6:00a.m. and then meet with men at 8:00 and 11:00a.m. before I am compelled to dive into emails and begin preparing for Sunday's lesson.
Today all went wonderfully well by any standard I could use until my 11:00a.m. lunch meeting. Actually lunch was scheduled for 11:15a.m., but I digress. The man I was meeting had previously cancelled very last minute (i.e., I had already arrived at the restaurant) due to "something important just came up." I flexed, extended grace to my brother in Christ, and rescheduled for today. So this is where the day took an interesting turn for me, which I have yet to fully process. I arrived my typical 10 minutes early carrying a book, just in case I had to wait. I visited with the owner/chef who is a long-time friend and began to look at my watch. It was 11:25a.m. He was not there yet.
I pull out Foster's
Celebration of Discipline and commence reading the chapter on Prayer. I finish the chapter and look at my watch again. The big hand had just crossed the 7 and was moving rapidly toward the 8. I decide to call. (Note: before placing my call to the man, I made the assumption that he had forgotten. That is what I was expecting to hear.) I reach him on the phone and once again I hear:
"Something very important has come up. I am being pulled into a school issue till 12:30. I am sorry but I need to cancel. I am really sorry."
My thought process went something like this:
1) Canceling is typically done before the set time of an event and should be initiated by the person actually canceling.
2) I would never stand someone up once, let alone twice, without certain amazingly insurmountable circumstances (i.e., Katrina, Catastrophic Climate Change, getting a shot on American Idol, an aneurism),
3) Don't rush to judgement, you are a lover of men and a lover of God. Let grace flow.
4) If this guy continues to do this kind of stuff to other people, he will destroy any opportunity to minister to them.
5) There are several people I could have had lunch with today.
6) I am going to meet with him today, no matter what.
7) Cuss words.
While I listed these with sequential numbers, they all occurred within 1.8 seconds of his words. There really is no way of knowing which came first.
I told him I would wait for him at the restaurant and read my book. "See you at 12:40," I said flatly. No "You're forgiven." Just the simple time. I called my wife to see if she could join me for a quick lunch, but she was at the doctors. My cell phone range again. It was the man again. So I hung up with my wife and answered it.
"Uhm, it is looking more like 1:00 or so now. So why don't you go back to your office. I will grace you with a lunch. My treat."
"Does your boss know that you had a previous commitment that is a reschedule of an earlier meeting?"
"We don't really work that way."
"Do you think it reflects well upon your business that you treat people this way?"
"Listen, we really don't work that way. If you were not a Christian, I would be able to be there, but..."
I laughed out loud. I boiled inside. Why would one Christian simply disrespect a brother like that? Did he not know that my lunches are one of the most valuable ministry times I have too? Meeting with men who are fighting for their marriages against long odds. Men who are beginning to admit their own addictions are destroying their life (and their family's life). Meeting with men who are just beginning to look into who Christ is. When I read Paul, he seems to set a higher standard for relationships within the body of Christ than outside. So why such inconsideration?
Yes, we finally got together around 2:00p.m. today. I let him know that the whole lunch fiasco really didn't sit well with me. He offered no apologies, simply a quick reference to the grace of Christ.
I have forgiven my brother now. It really isn't worth destroying a relationship over, but it has raised the question in my mind of why do Christians treat each other with such simple disregard. Christ's high priestly prayer in
John 17 is so clear to me. I struggle to live up to that passage, yet I can truly say I try. When I don't and am confronted with such, I make amends where true amends can be made.
On this day, my brother in Christ saw no need for confession, no need for amends, no need for respect, other than a quick mention of grace in the same style I would hastily push a reset button on my old
ColecoVision when I wasn't playing as well as I knew I could on a video game.
So do you think Christians typically treat their relationships more shoddily with each other than with non-Christians? If you answer "Yes," why do you think that is?
Labels: Christianity, relationships